April 1, 2009 (Reuters)
Vatican City - In a historic moment earlier today before an assembled audience of over 250,000 faithful in St. Peter's Square, Pope Benedict XVI announced the following:
"I really can't believe all you suckers have been falling for this crap for the last 2000 years. I'm sorry to announce that the First Council of Nicaea was really nothing more than an excuse for our bishops to tour some of the best Bithynian bathhouses. Nothing in the Bible is true - it's all a sick joke. Sacrifice your only son to save the world? - Give me a break. Roman Catholicism is a sham dreamed up by a rag merchant named Guido Varruchi while on one of his frequent acid trips with St. Peter. DNA testing has now proven that Varruchi is a direct descendant of L. Ron Hubbard.
It is now my pleasure to intruduce Mr. Hubbard (who has somehow managed to rise from the dead for this occasion) as my successor so that he may claim his birthright. From henceforth, the State of the Vatican City shall be known as The Land of Tomkat.
Finally, I ENCOURAGE THE USE OF CONDOMS TO PREVENT UNWANTED PREGNANCIES AND TO SAVE LIVES BY PREVENTING THE TRANSMISSION OF HIV."
Happy April Fools Day from The Atheist Missionary.
Unfortunately, in today's real news, we have more of the same: http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/611485
From a Perennialist to "The Atheist Missionary:
ReplyDeleteGreetings,
Go & learn:
http://tinyurl.com/55y7de
http://tinyurl.com/d397wy
With all good wishes that in due time you will understand...
The Square was full of activity. The condom announcement garnered little applause compared to the decree that Wile E. Coyote had finally defeated the roadrunner (I own shares in Acme). Did you see Thomas Cruise parachute in on the sofa-bed - I almost passed out. And the Adams Family music in the background was compelling: the guiding hand.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Surely that Habs game wasn't an April Fools joke too, was it?
This was fun. Thanks
ReplyDelete